


In Memoriam

by Siarah



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Destruction of Alderaan (Star Wars), Gen, Leia Organa Deserves Better, Leia Organa Needs a Hug, Post-Star Wars: A New Hope, Pre-Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siarah/pseuds/Siarah
Summary: When she closed her eyes, she couldn´t picture their faces anymore. In her mind, these people who had lived, loved, and felt joy were reduced to a handful of characteristics. What if there was no one else to remember them? What if her memories – fragmented as they were – were all that was left of those people?
Relationships: Chewbacca & Leia Organa, Leia Organa & Han Solo, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	In Memoriam

Leia felt like her reality had been divided up into two layers that superseded and superposed each other at random. One moment she was in the Rebel Base, _the next she stood on the Death Star._ Cheers sounded around her, _then there was only a deafening silence._ Rebel soldiers danced. _The disciplined officers on the bridge of the Death Star saluted._ A cup in her hand, _handcuffs around her wrists_. Dodonna said something to her. _Darth Vader´s metallic breathing echoed in her ears._

The impressions changed so fast it made her dizzy.

Someone bumped into her. _Vaders iron grip held her in place._ Dodonna said something about supply chains. _You don´t know how hard I found it signing the order to terminate your life._ It will be a challenge to transport the necessary supplies to the Hoth basis. _In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first._ Not only is the Hoth System far away from any major hyperspace lanes, but- _Where is the rebel base?_ Of course, we also need to find a way to obtain a strong enough heating system. _You may fire when ready._ -to keep the walls from caving in. _You are far too trusting._

Leia felt her breathing get faster. She started to hyperventilate.

Dodonna looked at her questioningly. _Green light._ -alright, Your Highness? _Billions of voices crying out in despair._ Your Highness? Dodonna touched her arm. _Nothing._ Leia swayed on her feet. She felt like she might faint. _Tarkin smirked at her, pleased that his monstrosity had worked._ Someone grabbed her arm to keep her from falling over.

“Careful there, sweetheart.”

Startled, Leia jerked around. Han. _The walls of the garbage compressor closed in on them._ “You look like you need some fresh air.” _Come on, Your Worship, let me have a look at those burns on your back._ She mumbled an excuse to Dodonna, before letting herself be led away by Han. A part of her wondered what people would think about his arm draped around her shoulders, but her need for comfort was stronger than her self-consciousness. _Leia felt sick to her core as she watched the asteroid field where once Alderaan had been._

Out of nowhere, Luke appeared on her other side. “Are you okay, Leia?” She nodded numbly, too tired to bother with a verbal response.

Instead of outside, Han led the group to the Falcon. The familiar smell of engine grease, leather, and Chewie´s cooking greeted them, as they walked up the ramp. Leia drank it in. _Millions of white lights passed them in hyperspace. The only thing that Leia could think about was that Alderaan wasn´t one of them anymore._ A sudden wave of calm washed over her. Alderaan was gone, but this ship had carried her away from the Death Star. The three faces mustering her in concern belonged to her friends.

Han led her to the dejarik table, and she let herself fall on the bench behind it. A drink appeared in front of her. “Drink, sweetheart. You look like you need it.” Leia complied. Burning liquor flowed down her throat, but she wouldn´t have cared if it had been fuel, instead. She was simply too tired to fight or argue about anything.

Han, Luke, Chewie, and even Mon had all told her that she didn´t need to attend the party for the second anniversary of the Death Star´s destruction. They had told her that she didn´t need to be there. Of course, she hadn’t listened. As a member of High Command, it was her responsibility to look after the troops and strengthen their morale, after all. She had thought she could handle it. Evidently, she couldn´t. If Han hadn´t led her away, she might have passed out in the middle of the mess hall. It would have been mortifying.

Chewie roared a question. By now, her Shyriiwook was good enough to at least understand the gist. “I´m not hungry,” she said.

Chewie´s answer was berating.

Leia sighed. “No, I haven´t eaten anything at the party, but I´m not hungry.”

The Wookiee ignored her and placed a steaming plate in front of her. She answered his stern look with an annoyed one of her own, even as the smell of the food made her mouth water. After a couple of seconds, she relented. “Thanks, Chewie. I suppose I could eat a bit.”

She expected a sarcastic comment from Han. When none came, she lifted her head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He just winked at her and went to fetch himself a plate of his own. If even Han Solo who had an astonishing talent for putting his foot in his mouth choose to stay quiet, she probably looked as worn out as she felt … Leia didn´t even try to compose herself, she knew it wouldn´t work and, more importantly, she did not have to put on a facade. Those were her friends.

_Friends_. The word set off a bittersweet feeling. She had had friends on Alderaan, too. Their names still lived in her mind, but their faces were starting to get blurry. Why could she still recall every detail of Tarkin, while the people she had loved were starting to fade? He had already taken so much from her and now he had to take this, too?

The faces of the people who had played only minor roles in her life were gone completely. She knew the woman who had sold flowers near the palace of Aldera had had grey hair and crooked teeth. She knew the son of her martial arts teacher had had pasty pale skin and freckles. She knew that her mother´s favourite baker had had the kindest smile that had always made the skin around his eyes wrinkle. She remembered little things that didn´t matter much in the grand scheme of things, but she was missing too many pieces to put the puzzle together in its entirety. When she closed her eyes, she couldn´t picture their faces anymore. In her mind, these people who had lived, loved, and felt joy were reduced to a handful of characteristics. What if there was no one else to remember them? What if her memories – fragmented as they were – were all that was left of those people?

The thought saddened her, more than that: It made her despair. All those people had not just been killed by the Empire, they – their legacies, their meaning – had been stolen. Irrevocably destroyed. Forever. With them, with Alderaan, an irreplaceable part of the Galaxy had been destroyed. It would never be whole again.

But Leia could do something to mend the hole that had been left behind – at least a little bit. She could remember. She could share her memories.

That was what she did.

She talked about her maidens, the palace guard, and all the other people she had known. She talked about their lifes and how they had affected hers, about all the little things that might not matter in the grand scheme of things, but that had made those people who they were. She talked about her parents and her friends, about her childhood.

And Han, Luke, and Chewie listened. They listened to everything and by doing so, they gave the deceased Alderaani a piece of their meaning back.

Only when the sounds of the party had lapsed into silence, when the sun was rising and Leia had told every detail she remembered, did she stop.

The feeling of loss was still there, would be there for the rest of her life, but it was not as heavy as before. She could bear it. She could honour the dead and move forward – never forget but move forward.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an OS I wrote for a prompt on [tumblr](https://leia-organa-fics.tumblr.com/post/640215689393848320/i-cant-get-the-image-of-everyone-having-a-big). I hope it breaks your heart as much as it broke mine to write it. 
> 
> .


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